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The Dopeness

curl left 25thday ofJanuaryin the year2010 curl right
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incompetent adults

My daughter is older than I am.
There are certain questions that kids ask that make me feel like an incompetent adult. Yesterday, I was in the car with my 5-year old niece and we passed by a cemetery.
A:Hey Dada, do you know what that place is, with all the crosses?
D:No.
A:It's where they put dead people. They put them in a coffin, do you know what a coffin is?
D:No.
A:It's a wooden box. When people die, they put them in a wooden box, dig a hole in the ground, put the box in the hole, then cover it up with soil again. Then they put a cross on top.
D:Rocky died. He ate a poisonous frog. They buried him in our backyard. How come he doesn't get a cross?
A:Because Rocky is an animal.
D:Why don't animals get crosses?
A:Um... because they don't go to church.
***I wanted to kick myself in the head for saying that. It's the ultimate holier-than-thou answer. "You don't get a sacred marker on your grave because you don't go to church. Niya niya niya". So I follow it up.
A:Um... it's not like they're not allowed to have crosses though. You can certainly put one if you want.
D:But Ninang Ala, how come there are so many, many crosses? How come so many people died?
A:Because lots of people die. Especially when there are wars and fighting, lots and lots of people die.
D:But only them? Only people who go to war die?
A:No Dada, everyone dies.
***The subtle change in her eyes, brought on by dawning of that realization, will stay with me forever. Her next question surprised me a bit.
D:... even if you believe in God?
A:... um, yes. Um... we all die, but our soul lives on forever.
***Do I really believe that, or am I just feeding her the same thing adults used to feed me so that I won't be afraid of death? Answering these sorts of questions make you feel a bit guilty because any answer you give is bound to impose your own religious beliefs on someone so easily impressionable. It feels like such a huge responsibility to give the right answer. Should I make up some fantastical story, or dumb things down so that she'll understand? Should I tell her that I don't know? Or should I just tell her what I really believe in? Wait, what do I believe in anyway????
D:Ninang Ala, what's a soul?
*Another big question. My niece may grow up to be Christian, or Buddhist, or an atheist. But for now, I'll tell her what I think I really believe in. Why lie? The child wants to know. True, I don't have all the answers, but I do believe in something. She'll be old enough to decide for herself one day.
A:It's the part of us that will never, ever die. Our bodies will die someday and they'll be buried in the ground, but our souls will live forever.
*** Whew. Ok, I didn't lie to her. But did I tell her the truth? Then she hit me with the ultimate question.
D:But how do you know???
*** Oh no. Here we go. I will not be able to answer and she will know I am a sham, just like all the other adults in the car with us.
But my dad, who has been listening in, steps in and saves me by saying:"You just know."
That answer sits comfortably with her, surprisingly. My niece leaves it at that, and starts talking about excited she is to go to Fun Ranch on Tuesday. As for me, my facade is intact, though my interior is in disarray. Did I pass the exam? Maybe I did, because for now, she still thinks adults know everything.
Someday, she'll awaken and know that nobody has all the answers.
  1. calenisa reblogged this from missreisha
  2. missreisha reblogged this from alas-dos
  3. ericaparedes reblogged this from alas-dos and added:
    My daughter is older than I am.
  4. alas-dos posted this
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